From Losing Darkness
to Winning Power
to Winning Power
By Inga Stasiulionyte
How fast do you recover from the cascade of negative thoughts and the grip of negative emotions?
6:0. I’ve lost the set, and I feel the match slipping from my hands. Numbers are unforgiving - objective, unyielding. I find myself drowning in their judgment: You are a loser, a failure, an embarrassment. The thoughts cascade relentlessly: Will I ever be good enough to win? The weight of these judgments is suffocating. The court transforms from an arena of competition into a drowning place, pulling me into the sea of my deepest insecurities. I want to escape this scene entirely at any cost - but I can’t.
Frustration bubbles over into action. I lash out at myself, my opponent, and life itself. I hit harder - too hard - or hesitate, too soft. Points slip away with painful ease. Each loss feeds the growing storm of despair, and my motivation drains away. Confidence is nearly gone.
And yet, in the midst of this, comes a realization. This is the battle I was trained for - to face mental chaos head-on. As an elite athlete, I’ve been taught to recognize this spiraling descent. This is survival mode - self-protection at its worst, where the mind sabotages the body.
This is the moment to rise as a professional, a high-level performer: regaining control of myself and creating space to perform, to compete, to excel. This is what my coaches Antanas Celiesius and Dan Lange trained me for daily. This is what I now teach my clients: mastering the art of pulling ourselves back from the darkness and stopping the spiral before it starts. The work is intricate, layered, and deeply rewarding.
Novak Djokovic’s mental ability to shift from despair to determination better than anyone else has defined his historic career: 24 Grand Slam titles, 99 ATP titles, and an Olympic Gold Medal at the age of 37. He has described it as the process of moving from losing darkness to winning power - a transformation available to anyone willing to do the work.
6:0. I’ve lost the set, and I feel the match slipping from my hands. Numbers are unforgiving - objective, unyielding. I find myself drowning in their judgment: You are a loser, a failure, an embarrassment. The thoughts cascade relentlessly: Will I ever be good enough to win? The weight of these judgments is suffocating. The court transforms from an arena of competition into a drowning place, pulling me into the sea of my deepest insecurities. I want to escape this scene entirely at any cost - but I can’t.
Frustration bubbles over into action. I lash out at myself, my opponent, and life itself. I hit harder - too hard - or hesitate, too soft. Points slip away with painful ease. Each loss feeds the growing storm of despair, and my motivation drains away. Confidence is nearly gone.
And yet, in the midst of this, comes a realization. This is the battle I was trained for - to face mental chaos head-on. As an elite athlete, I’ve been taught to recognize this spiraling descent. This is survival mode - self-protection at its worst, where the mind sabotages the body.
This is the moment to rise as a professional, a high-level performer: regaining control of myself and creating space to perform, to compete, to excel. This is what my coaches Antanas Celiesius and Dan Lange trained me for daily. This is what I now teach my clients: mastering the art of pulling ourselves back from the darkness and stopping the spiral before it starts. The work is intricate, layered, and deeply rewarding.
Novak Djokovic’s mental ability to shift from despair to determination better than anyone else has defined his historic career: 24 Grand Slam titles, 99 ATP titles, and an Olympic Gold Medal at the age of 37. He has described it as the process of moving from losing darkness to winning power - a transformation available to anyone willing to do the work.
It begins with mental CPP: Choose to Pause for Precision.
Choice. Remember that you always have a choice. Even when emotions rise and the situation feels out of control, you have the power to respond differently. When I was failing in tennis, my coach’s first question was, “What did you do to let your opponent control the game?” It’s so easy to fall into the victim mindset: “Life is unfair, and I can’t do anything about it.” I know this trap all too well. It’s the mindset that cost me the Olympics - a harsh lesson I’ve shared in detail here. The winner’s mentality is knowing you can choose to take charge and agency - finding something within your direct control to change the situation.
Pause. Slowing down to regain speed. In the frenzy of stress, pausing feels unnatural, even dangerous. But slowing down is what allows you to truly accelerate. Pausing grants you the clarity to think, to plan, and to act with intention rather than reaction. With clients, we practice exercises to break the pressure of constant urgency by simply saying: “I need a moment.” I’m sure you’ve seen athletes before key shots, or when they feel overwhelmed, reach for a towel, bounce the ball a few extra times, or take deeper breaths before the action. That pause is the key to winning.
Precision. Once you pause, you can shift from mere survival to deliberate action and influence the situation in your favor. Precision means focusing on what you can control, leveraging your unique strengths, and executing with purpose and laser focus. In my athletic career, my strengths were rhythm, timing, and explosiveness. For my clients, it might be relationship-building, creative problem-solving, or leading with empathy. Precision looks different for everyone, but it always leads to power.
The question isn’t whether you’ll face these spirals - it’s how fast you can emerge from them. How quickly can you remember your strength and step back into control?
Choice. Remember that you always have a choice. Even when emotions rise and the situation feels out of control, you have the power to respond differently. When I was failing in tennis, my coach’s first question was, “What did you do to let your opponent control the game?” It’s so easy to fall into the victim mindset: “Life is unfair, and I can’t do anything about it.” I know this trap all too well. It’s the mindset that cost me the Olympics - a harsh lesson I’ve shared in detail here. The winner’s mentality is knowing you can choose to take charge and agency - finding something within your direct control to change the situation.
Pause. Slowing down to regain speed. In the frenzy of stress, pausing feels unnatural, even dangerous. But slowing down is what allows you to truly accelerate. Pausing grants you the clarity to think, to plan, and to act with intention rather than reaction. With clients, we practice exercises to break the pressure of constant urgency by simply saying: “I need a moment.” I’m sure you’ve seen athletes before key shots, or when they feel overwhelmed, reach for a towel, bounce the ball a few extra times, or take deeper breaths before the action. That pause is the key to winning.
Precision. Once you pause, you can shift from mere survival to deliberate action and influence the situation in your favor. Precision means focusing on what you can control, leveraging your unique strengths, and executing with purpose and laser focus. In my athletic career, my strengths were rhythm, timing, and explosiveness. For my clients, it might be relationship-building, creative problem-solving, or leading with empathy. Precision looks different for everyone, but it always leads to power.
The question isn’t whether you’ll face these spirals - it’s how fast you can emerge from them. How quickly can you remember your strength and step back into control?
What strengths do you consistently rely on to navigate tough situations? How can you, as a leader, create an environment where people feel empowered to pause and make precise, deliberate decisions?
I invite you to share your thoughts. Reply using the form below.
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The way I see it, a playing-to-win mindset is about being proactive, bold and focused on achieving success rather than just avoiding failure. It's about taking calculated risks and going all in, fueled by the drive to seize opportunities before they’re gone, because FOMO (fear of missing out) on success is a powerful motivator!
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The words prompt me to ask myself, "How well do I prepare and practice for a range of possibilities?"
In canoeing, parallel to losing the first set 6-0 is having a terrible first run on the river. I remember that we (coach and athlete) put a lot of effort and attention to simulating such possibilities in training. (Preparing for the equivalent of being up 6-0 is equally important. 😅 )
Many times in sports, we can delineate lines between occurrences <-- a huge opportunity to carry over in leadership...
Coaching is a huge point of leverage here <-- someone (or a team of someones :-) besides ourselves to control the dials of tension so that we can focus on better practice that leads to better performance!
In canoeing, parallel to losing the first set 6-0 is having a terrible first run on the river. I remember that we (coach and athlete) put a lot of effort and attention to simulating such possibilities in training. (Preparing for the equivalent of being up 6-0 is equally important. 😅 )
Many times in sports, we can delineate lines between occurrences <-- a huge opportunity to carry over in leadership...
Coaching is a huge point of leverage here <-- someone (or a team of someones :-) besides ourselves to control the dials of tension so that we can focus on better practice that leads to better performance!
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