Conversations That Earn Raises and Advancement
By Inga Stasiulionyte
“Next week is my end-of-year review,” my client says, their tone a mix of trepidation and hope. “I’d like a raise, but I don’t know how to ask.” I hear this sentiment often, the uncomfortable weight of advocating for oneself pressing down. It’s a vulnerable moment - asking for what you believe you’re worth - and yet, so many find themselves paralyzed by fear of rejection or seeming presumptuous.
Earlier in their careers, many hardworking leaders advanced through recognition and the advocacy of supportive managers, never needing to ask for opportunities. But as they rise into more competitive leadership roles, self-advocacy becomes an essential skill. The idea of asking for a raise can stir feelings of shame, as if seeking acknowledgment for their own growth betrays a sense of humility they’ve long valued. Over time, this reluctance to speak up fosters a growing frustration, a quiet disconnect between their contributions and compensation, which leads to burnout and disengagement.
A significant challenge, particularly for women in salary negotiations, is the inclination to frame their worth around past accomplishments rather than the future value they will bring. This retrospective approach often leaves leaders in a cycle of catching up, where their compensation lags behind the value they consistently deliver. Just as we negotiate the price of a product or service based on its anticipated future value - not after it’s been used - salary discussions should center on the future outcomes and impact leaders are poised to achieve, aligned with clear, agreed-upon goals.
VALUE - Successful salary negotiations start with understanding what matters most to your leaders - the challenges they need to solve and the goals they aim to achieve.
VISION - Positioning yourself as essential to those outcomes. Approach the process as a series of open, collaborative conversations with a sense of shared purpose, transforming them into opportunities for connection and alignment that leave everyone feeling heard, valued, and inspired.
VIABILITY - One meeting isn’t going to create that opportunity. It’s an ongoing conversation with your boss to explore the viability of creating what you need to succeed and securing the budget necessary for a salary increase. However, if you never initiate that conversation, it’s highly unlikely to happen on its own.
Earlier in their careers, many hardworking leaders advanced through recognition and the advocacy of supportive managers, never needing to ask for opportunities. But as they rise into more competitive leadership roles, self-advocacy becomes an essential skill. The idea of asking for a raise can stir feelings of shame, as if seeking acknowledgment for their own growth betrays a sense of humility they’ve long valued. Over time, this reluctance to speak up fosters a growing frustration, a quiet disconnect between their contributions and compensation, which leads to burnout and disengagement.
A significant challenge, particularly for women in salary negotiations, is the inclination to frame their worth around past accomplishments rather than the future value they will bring. This retrospective approach often leaves leaders in a cycle of catching up, where their compensation lags behind the value they consistently deliver. Just as we negotiate the price of a product or service based on its anticipated future value - not after it’s been used - salary discussions should center on the future outcomes and impact leaders are poised to achieve, aligned with clear, agreed-upon goals.
VALUE - Successful salary negotiations start with understanding what matters most to your leaders - the challenges they need to solve and the goals they aim to achieve.
VISION - Positioning yourself as essential to those outcomes. Approach the process as a series of open, collaborative conversations with a sense of shared purpose, transforming them into opportunities for connection and alignment that leave everyone feeling heard, valued, and inspired.
VIABILITY - One meeting isn’t going to create that opportunity. It’s an ongoing conversation with your boss to explore the viability of creating what you need to succeed and securing the budget necessary for a salary increase. However, if you never initiate that conversation, it’s highly unlikely to happen on its own.
What insights from your end-of-year conversations could serve as inspiring lessons, helping other leaders navigate their own journeys toward advancement?
I invite you to share your thoughts. Reply using the form below.
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If you've ever been pulled over for speeding in the USA, get the officer to agree to these five points and you get out of the ticket: it's a straight divided road, the weather is dry and clear, there's no traffic, your car is a solid mark vehicle, mention your last known date of service (recent)...it's the same with asking for a raise. Mention the five things that are irrefutable: you successfully complete your projects, any additional requests are taken on and always handled, your peers do like you (team player), you are able to work without oversight, and the cliffhanger - how long do you think it would take to train someone new in my role? That's how you close a value deal.
What stops people from following the steps you’ve provided? Why is self-promotion so difficult? Maybe it's called the imposter syndrome in psych terms. But putting aside possible self-doubt, it's probably two fold: 1) we believe that our managers already know everything, so we could be insulting them by pointing it out, or 2) performing well is just part of the job, so it feels strange to point it out as raise worthy.
What stops people from following the steps you’ve provided? Why is self-promotion so difficult? Maybe it's called the imposter syndrome in psych terms. But putting aside possible self-doubt, it's probably two fold: 1) we believe that our managers already know everything, so we could be insulting them by pointing it out, or 2) performing well is just part of the job, so it feels strange to point it out as raise worthy.
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